In the light of winter, how do your New
Years’ resolutions look today? Did you even set any? I’d like to talk today
about how our goals and plans, like New Years’ resolutions, may run into
roadblocks on their way to manifestation, and how these blocks may relate to
our earliest history.
Many years ago, I took and then taught a
course called DMA, later changed to Technologies for Creating. Through this
course, I changed my life in many ways. Robert Fritz, the founder of DMA, had
applied his experience as a musician to the phenomenon of creating what we want
in life. He described three stages of the creative process: germination,
gestation, and receiving. Years later, through doctoral studies in Pre- and
Perinatal Psychology, I learned how our very early experience in the womb and birth
can affect our ability to move through these stages. Lets look at how they may
be affecting you.
The
Path of Least Resistance
The first step in changing anything is
awareness. If we are unaware of the problem, we won’t take action to change it.
With increasing awareness, our options multiply. In his book, The Path of Least Resistance, Fritz
described how we tend to follow the same path repeatedly. In automatic mode, we
take the path of least resistance, leading us to where we are used to going. To
create something new, we need to establish a new pathway. This requires paying
attention and making different choices.
My current mentor, Emilie Conrad, states “the
nervous system is a pattern addict.” It needs to establish patterns to enable
us to function in our world. If I had to stop to create new neural pathways for
each word I write, this blog would never reach you! It reminds me a bit of my
efforts to speak French with a friend this morning. After years of not
traveling that path, it now seemed quite overgrown! I had to weed out my newer Spanish
vocabulary to find the dusty French. My brain was quite tired after twenty
minutes of sorting through the mess for every sentence!
Our lives can be a bit like this. We know
we are not happy. We decide we want something different. We are determined to
have it be different, but the path of least resistance takes us back again and
again to what we already know.
In this vein, New Years’ resolutions can
become too much work very quickly. They fall away as we continue down the old
path. The question is, how do we do something else?
In Continuum Movement, we practice slowing
down, which enables us to become more aware and make different choices. We even
ask the question, “What else?” What else is possible here? If my body always
moves in the same way, what else could happen?
We may make supreme efforts in our lives to
be more aware, to make different choices, to take a different path, but we keep
finding ourselves back where we were. We might give up and say, I’ll try again
next January!
Early
Imprints
How might all this relate to our early
history? I find it interesting that Fritz used the terms germination and
gestation to describe the first two stages of creating. Germination refers to
when we get an idea for something; we conceive of it. We may have abundant energy for it, bursting
with enthusiasm as we begin down our new pathway. Some people, however, get
stuck in their creative process right here at the beginning. They have trouble
conceiving of what they want, of setting goals, of allowing themselves to even
feel a longing for what could be. Fritz taught techniques for discovering your
visions and defining them in practical, measurable terms. This can help us get
over that first hump, but why does the hump occur?
We may have tried before to do something
different and concluded after our failures that it isn’t possible. Some people,
however, do not make this conclusion. I am reminded of holocaust survivor
Viktor Frankl, who managed a positive attitude despite all odds in a
concentration camp. I don’t know what Frankl’s conception, birth or early life
were like. Based on years of experience working with prenatal and birth trauma,
I imagine he was a wanted, welcomed baby who enjoyed some healthy bonding
within his family.
Where we have suffered in our first
creation, coming into this life, our early imprints tend to express themselves
with each new beginning in our lives. Planned conception is a relatively rare
event. Most conceptions are unexpected, even if the parents want a baby. There
may be feelings of ambivalence, questions as to one’s ability to parent a child
at this time, thoughts of abortion, or abortion attempts. Conception may have
occurred through rape or within a fearful, violent environment of war or mental
illness. How we relate to new beginnings, including setting new goals in our
lives, can differ, depending on if we experienced rejection or warm welcome
when we were conceived, when the pregnancy was confirmed and our presence
discovered, or when we were born.
Even if we were conceived intentionally, we
might not sense ourselves being welcomed for who we actually are. It is not
unusual for couples to try having a baby to solve relationship problems, to
manipulate a partner into marriage, or to try to have a boy or girl if they
already have a child of the opposite sex. Children are also wanted to ensure
continuation of the family line, take over the family business or fill in some
other kind of gap. Children born into this field of expectation may find it
difficult to be themselves and determine what they really want.
The subsequent stages of the creative
process, gestation, and receiving, can also reflect your early history. Gestation
refers to the time after conceiving your vision of what you want, when you may
not notice much progress, like the bump of pregnancy that is initially too
small to be seen. At some point, there is a quickening, when you begin to
realize you are making progress. If you did not feel held and welcomed when
your pregnancy was discovered, or through your time in the womb, you may not
recognize signs of progress toward your goal. Or you may be plagued by feelings
of hopelessness, self-judgment, and worthlessness. Do I really deserve to have
this? Or you may unconsciously sabotage your own efforts, as a way perhaps to
avoid the kind of pain you experienced when you were rejected or judged as a
little one.
This theme can continue into the third
stage, receiving. This relates to the time of birth and just after when the
baby is received. How the parents or family receive the baby is not always
joyous. For example, I remember being told many times that my father looked at
me and declared how ugly I was! Babies with visible deformities are often met
by shock, rejection and judgment. A girl born to parents wanting or expecting a
boy can feel like a failure and may never feel able to be or have what she
really wants. Babies can also be conceived through a secret affair, to be
revealed by how the baby looks at birth. Even if the baby’s looks don’t give
away the deceit, the fear, shame, guilt, or dissatisfaction they represent may follow
them throughout life.
How we are received can affect our own
ability to receive what we manifest in our lives. The perfect job or partner or
opportunity may present itself to us and we don’t notice, are too busy or don’t
allow ourselves for whatever reason to take it in. Or, we succeed in reaching
our goal and, instead of celebrating and feeling satisfied, we focus on how it
isn’t quite perfect, or we don’t deserve to have it, or we move on to the next
thing so quickly we never really take in what we have accomplished. Sounding
familiar yet?
Dissolving
the Blocks
A first step in dissolving this kind of
block is to be aware of it. Taking time to consider your early history, asking
your parents about it if possible, recording it for yourself or telling others
about it as a coherent story can help you to recognize its echoes in your life.
It can also facilitate acknowledging this as your past, rather than who you
are.
It is important to differentiate what has
happened to you in the past from who are and what you are capable of now. Having
the attentive reflection of a practitioner experienced in prenatal and birth
therapy can be extremely helpful in sorting your history out while establishing
on a somatic, cellular level a different kind of relational field, where you
experience being welcomed, supported, acknowledged, celebrated for who you are.
There is so much to explore in this area.
Please stay tuned for my next blog entry to continue on the journey!
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