A New Birth: Love or Fear

When we study the neural pathways of the brain, we see that we are hard-wired for fear. We are designed to be able to react quickly to threat. We are on the look-out for danger, and immediately become more alert and ready to fight or fly when it presents.

Our perception of fear, however, is not hard-wired. It is programmed by our experience. That programming begins before we even exit the womb at birth, and tends to determine how we respond to challenges in life.

Fortunately, we are also designed for love. When we have had a difficult beginning, or extreme challenges in life, we may need to work harder to bypass established patterns of fear and access the love.

Prenatal Learning

As little ones in the womb, we prepare for the world we are to be born into. As with all of our survival needs prenatally, our perception of threat before birth depends on mother. Our growth and development vary according to how mother perceives her environment. If she feels threatened, baby develops a body and nervous system prepared for danger. When mom feels safe and nurtured, baby prepares to live in a safe, nurturing world.

As Bruce Lipton points out in his book, The Biology of Belief, “The responsiveness of individuals to the environmental conditions perceived by their mothers before birth allows them to optimize their genetic and physiologic development as they adapt to the environmental forecast” (p. 157). The rising field of epigenetics explores how genes are turned on and off in this way.

The Gateway of Birth

For many of us, our prenatal programming is reinforced by how we are born. Birth is designed to give the nervous system a jump start as the head squeezes through the birth canal and then expands with our first breaths. Ideally, we experience an ignition to our whole system, with each organ enjoying the massage of our passage out of the womb. We then emerge into the loving arms of mom, supported by her nurturing partner and community. Our bonding with mom is fostered by oxytocin, the “love hormone” naturally released during childbirth.

Modern, western birth is rarely this gentle and welcoming. Many of us were pulled out of the birth canal with rough tools or hands. Birth attendants are usually relative strangers, even if their hands are gentle. Babies are often taken from mom - home and lifeline for the last nine or so months - to be weighed, cleaned and measured. Many are rushed away from mom to another room by strangers in an atmosphere of fear and crisis.

Our first breaths are accompanied by this imprint of how we are received at birth. Our first sight with our new eyes is often the blinding lights of an operating room or neonatal intensive care unit. Our nervous system reacts to this extreme stress. When our cries do not bring us back to the soothing familiarity of mom, and we are too small to fight or fly, we withdraw into shocked silence. Oxytocin is hard to access in this state.

Mom, in the meantime, begins her own physiological withdrawal when separated from her baby. Her body reacts as if her baby were dead, and bonding and breast feeding can be impeded.

While we may appear to recover from this startling beginning, these early experiences leave deep, lasting impressions on our rapidly learning nervous system. We may find ourselves later in life easily overwhelmed by change and challenged by relationships. New beginnings are quickly, unconsciously associated with our birth. We forget that we are now grown, highly capable individuals. We regress into our infantile experience, feeling helpless, alone, unheard, unseen, unloved.

Return to Love

The good news is that love is our essence. We can return to it at anytime.

I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to work with newborns and small children, as well as adults who harbor an inner little one. I have witnessed first hand how the nervous system and the psyche can shift back to an orientation to something deeper and more essential than one’s trauma history.

When we live in the shadow of an early imprint, we are not really here in present time. Some aspect of us is always interpreting our experience according to that first experience. A major key to returning to love is to bring our attention to the present.

Babies Tell their Story

Babies are not able on their own to differentiate between what they are remembering and what is happening now. They experience everything as now. They readily respond, however, if we differentiate for them.

When I work with babies, they often begin to “tell the story” of their birth, as soon as they sense that I understand this territory. They may begin to push or turn as they did in their birth. It can be helpful for babies, as it is for any of us, to be able to express to others an intense experience they have had. If the feelings associated with that event are too extreme, however, little ones can become overwhelmed by their memory. Babies easily get lost in this past pain. It can be remarkably helpful to make a simple statement differentiating then from now. I might say something like, “Yes, that’s what it was like then. I’m sorry you had to go through that. And you got through it. You are here now. Here’s mom now.”

It can be surprising how quickly babies will settle with this information. And, yes, babies do understand what we say to them. They may not know all the words, although evidence of their comprehension is amassing. They certainly understand, however, our intentions and respond to our words.

Little Ones Within

All of us have within us the influence of our own prenatal and birth experience. In that our modern western culture does not endorse this kind of memory, we are not supported as toddlers in talking about these experiences, which would bring them into more conscious, explicit memory. We are nonetheless under their influence.

We are all capable of regressing into an infantile state, where we lose access to our more grown up resourcefulness. If we have had a difficult birth or prenatal experience, we will tend to slip into this early state when encountering major change or transition. Like the babies we once were, we may be unable to differentiate in this state between then and now. We may then find ourselves unable to cope, depressed, withdrawn, or incapacitated by primal rage or terror. It is helpful to have support at these times from someone who understands the trauma states little ones can experience. There are also ways to support yourself in these situations.

Present Time, Love Present

Just as I help my little clients to differentiate between then and now, it can be helpful to remind yourself that these feelings are from the past, when you were too little to protect yourself. Let yourself remember how old you are now. Remind yourself of all the skills you have developed that you didn’t have back then. For example, you can read. You can walk and talk. You can earn and count money and pay for things. Perhaps you can drive, hold down a job, dial the phone. Make a list of these simple skills that you have that you didn’t have when you were little. This can help you to remember who you are now.

Make yourself look around the room you are in. Take note of the colors, shapes, images you see. Name what you see. This brings you into present time. Similarly, attending to and identifying sensations you feel supports you in being present. Take note of simple sensations like heat in your foot, the sensation of the your body resting in the chair. Make tiny movements with one hand or finger or other body part, and let yourself be with the felt sense of that momement.

Challenge yourself to see how you are safe in this moment. Our fear is never actually about the present. It is about what could happen in the future, and is based on the past. Even if you are in a burning building, your fear is not about this moment. You are relatively ok in this moment. Your fear is that you will never escape… that it will get worse…that you will be burned, or more burned, or lose your things and loved ones, or lose more of them than you have already lost. In this moment, you can always find some sense of safety, something that tells you that you are safe.

As you come into present time, you will begin to find love. You can support this process by thinking of what you feel grateful for or appreciate. Gratitude and appreciate actually shift your physiology. There is always something to feel grateful for, even if it is just the breath you just took.

Breath is Life

By the way, are you breathing? When we are in fear, our breath tends to become shallow and fast, as the sympathetic nervous system prepares us for fight or flight. If you are not in actual physical danger, where you need to be able to run away or protect yourself, it can be helpful to sit or lie down and put a hand on your belly. Let yourself become aware of the movement of the breath in your belly. You will feel your hand rising and falling with the breath. This awareness supports your parasympathetic nervous system, which is involved with rest and rejuvenation.

As you settle, love becomes more accessible. You can begin to think about what you actually desire in relation to the situation at hand. You can begin to appreciate what you have and build on that. You may even choose to share your love with your inner little one. Imagine him or her and ask yourself what that little one most needs. Chances are, it is to be held and loved. This is something you can provide, even if you didn’t receive it back then. Go ahead and visualize yourself holding this little one in your arms, in your heart. It is never too late to love and be loved.

Meeting a new beginning or change from a state of love may in itself be a new beginning for you. You may find yourself going through a different kind of birth in this moment. Welcome to your new life!

New Beginnings: Presence, Awareness and Being

Are you ready? Is something changing, or about to change, in your life? Your work? Your relationship? Your home? Your sense of who you are? Your level of gratitude and appreciation for who you are, your passions, your purpose, your…?

We are all changing continuously, moment to moment, day to day. In our modern, western culture, we learn to reject change. We call it “growing old”. We call it “uncertainty.” Insecurity. Immaturity. Lack of commitment….

We have so many ways to defend ourselves against our natural impetus for change. As little embryos in the womb, we cannot survive without change. This is growth. This is development. And this is true throughout our lives.

As little ones, we embrace change. We are eager to learn, anxious to be older, to go to school like our older siblings, go to work like mommy or daddy. As teens, we long for the day we can drive.

How do we lose this enthusiasm for change? How does it become the enemy to be resisted at all costs, rather than a welcome opportunity to learn and grow? What is it that occurs as we mature, and settle into the unconscious ruts and rituals of our lives? At what cost do we lose touch with the magic of newness? And how do we revive the zeal we have lost?

Presence

As I write this, almost everything in my life is new. I have just moved to a new country on a new continent with a new relationship. I am delighting in discovering the nuances of difference between the English I have learned to speak in Canada and the U.S., and the English spoken in the UK. At times, I enjoy mastering my ability to recognize British coins; at other times, when I am tired, I feel slightly overwhelmed by how aware I need to be, even doing the simplest tasks, like buying groceries.

My old habits are less relevant here. I must pay attention and make conscious choices every moment. I don’t have to work hard at acknowledging a new beginning. Instead, I must remember to stay present with all the newness. This is key.

This awareness is the essence of my intention in life and work, and what I most desire to offer my clients, students, and all I encounter. I acknowledge that all the change I am currently adjusting to challenges me to practice even more consistently the skills I have been developing over the years. The simple act of observing my breath and sensations, being with each moment as it arises, supports me in drinking in and digesting my new environment, rather than being flooded by it. I have learned to orient to something deeper and more consistent than the outer reality I encounter. This aids me in riding the waves of life, like resting on the fulcrum of a teeter totter, rather than balancing on the faster moving ends. Instead of being drawn into the details of each up and down, I perceive changes within an awareness of the larger whole of my life and the world I live in.

I believe we all desire, at the deepest level, to be more present in our lives. We have learned, through meeting various conditions of our lives, to pattern our behavior in relatively predictable ways. We require patterns and habits in order to function. As the teeter totter moves, my body needs to shift its balance accordingly. This is a largely automatic response. If I had to figure out the intricacies of how to balance with each shift, I would soon fall off! Similarly, if I needed to plan each finger movement involved in typing this article, it would not be available for you to read! It would simply take too long and too much effort to produce. If you needed to think about how to open your mouth with every bite, you would still be eating breakfast and not have the time or energy to read this article.

We see such challenges in stroke victims as they re-learn how to maintain balance and to move an affected hand. Like little children establishing these patterns, people with neurological issues often need extra sleep. They need time to integrate what they are learning (or re-learning). They also require the added rest to recover their energy. This also applies to new beginnings.

Anyone can become drained when dealing with the demands of newness. It is important to recognize change and the learning it requires. Otherwise, we may negate our needs, complaining about the demands of our lives, our jobs, our relationships, etc. We tend to expect things to stay the same. This may be our first mistake. Life is constantly changing, and we must be, too!

Recognizing, accepting and meeting change requires awareness. We cannot adapt to change easily if we deny or miss that it is there. We become aware by being present in the moment. If we go along with life just expecting the same old thing, we may not notice change until it is too late.

Perhaps you have heard stories about animals in Asia predicting a tsunami. They apparently survive where humans don’t by sensing danger and leaving the area before it hits. A report from National Geographic states that “animals can sense impending danger by detecting subtle or abrupt shifts in the environment,” and that humans once also possessed this “sixth sense.” (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/01/0104_050104_tsunami_animals_2.html).

What is this sixth sense? I am not an expert in animal sensation, but I do have expertise in human awareness. I have been repeatedly amazed by how much I and other humans can sense when we slow down and pay attention, when we bring our awareness into the present moment, beyond our usual habits and patterns. This is presence.

The Power of Slowing Down

In our modern, western culture, we live at an unnaturally fast pace. We depend on our habitual routines to keep up. As technology has accelerated, so have we. I watch with both awe and horror as young children master video games I can barely comprehend. They are much too fast for me! I am interested in the information delivered by body sensations. It is impossible to be fully aware of our sensations at such high speeds. As we slow down, our awareness can deepen and widen. We shift into a more natural mode of perception, like little children and animals.

As an Occupational Therapist, I am saddened by my knowledge of how the speed of technology can interfere with development. Sitting at a computer, for example, challenges the small child’s ability to learn in their natural way, through movement and the body. Children learn quickly these days to dissociate from their bodies, losing touch with an important source of information. This may relate to the epidemic of learning and behavior problems, as well as other developmental delays.

Slowing down, we return to sensory awareness, and enhance our ability to integrate new information. We may more easily sense danger or change in its early stages, like animals before a tsunami. We can then take appropriate action to prepare ourselves. In an accelerated mode, we tend to miss what is happening around us. We are too busy or distracted to notice the subtle changes in our environment that could warn us of an upcoming storm, or body changes that could be early signs of cancer, or the changes in our partner that could be signs of dissatisfaction in our relationship. When we overlook these early signs, we may be taken off guard and are less able to adapt.

Living our lives at high speed also leaves us vulnerable in another important way. We lack the time and space we need for rest and rejuvenation. We become stuck in the mode of the sympathetic (fight-flight) nervous system that is designed to operate for short periods of time during emergencies. In this mode, our blood is primarily directed to our big muscles and structures required for fight or flight. Organs essential for digestion, reproduction, and repair are put on hold until the crisis is over. Then, we are intended to have time to rest and recover (parasympathetic nervous system).

In our modern world, we humans seldom know how to rest, even if we have the time. Instead, we collapse in front of the TV or DVD player, and are bombarded by violent, speedy over-stimulation. Rather than being replenished, our resources  become further depleted. When a real emergency arises, we have less ability to meet it. Even less threatening challenges of everyday life can become overwhelming when we lack the resources to cope. What might otherwise be a welcome change, may feel like the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Embracing Change

What does it take to welcome and embrace change? First, it is important to be aware that the change is happening.

How does change manifest in your life? Are you aware of change? Do you have expectations about continuity? Yes, it is reasonable, if you have a job that pays the bills, to expect it to be there when you go to work each day. It is appropriate to expect your mate to be with you as promised, for your children to appear when you arrive to pick them up at school, for your clothing to be hanging in the closet when you go to put them on.

We depend on a certain amount of permanence in our lives. Yet, all of us have encountered situations where that permanence is interrupted. The mother of a friend is diagnosed with cancer. A relative is in a serious car accident. A spouse loses his or her job. The company you have invested in fails.

Chances are you or someone you know have gone through such challenges. In case you are one of the lucky few who has not encountered any tragedy or loss, I remind you of the daily news. Hurricanes, volcanoes, earthquakes, forest fires, floods, war, crime, economic crashes. I could go on. My purpose here is not to depress you or to emphasize the extreme suffering so easy to perceive on the planet just now. My intention is to point to the often unwelcome incidence of change.

Just reading about these challenging events can be stressful. What are you aware of in your body as you consider the last two paragraphs? Do you notice tension anywhere? How deep or shallow is your breath? How relaxed do you feel? Can you feel your body resting on the chair or whatever is supporting you?

Most of us have patterned ways of reacting to stress and change. These patterns can be helpful in dealing with emergencies. Our tendency, however, is to slip into patterned reactions as soon as stress arises. Our modern, western lives are inherently stressful, speedy, and over-stimulating, with little or no true rest. We  spend most of our time in a stress response, geared for emergency. When an actual crisis, or extreme change, comes along, our chronic tension reduces our ability to effectively respond to what is. Our lack of present-time awareness lessens our resilience.

How much of your time do you spend thinking about how something is going to turn out, if you did the right thing, or what you can do or say next? Maybe the thing you obsess over isn’t even that important. It might be what to have for dinner.

Have you ever found yourself lost in planning the future or reviewing the past in this way and not noticed something demanding your attention in the present moment?

Letting Go, Letting Ourselves Be

Life passes so quickly. Walking on the beautiful nature path just steps from my new home in Devon, my eyes are drawn to the infinite variety of arrangements of leaves, flowers, branches, and even donkeys! I feel like a small child drawn to the brilliant creations of nature. With each, I notice, there is a combination of old and new. Brittle brown leaves rattle in the breeze beside their young, green siblings. In our modern, western culture, the extremes of life – birthing and dying - are isolated by hospital walls from other, perhaps gentler expressions of life. Nature, in contrast, displays all life’s stages on one, unified canvas.

We learn as little ones to grasp and hold onto what we cherish. We learn to attach names to each object. Cup. Nose. Mama. Juice. We must learn through our adult years to establish ourselves firmly in our lives, and then let go. We struggle to develop a career, a family, skill in whatever sport or hobby we choose. Then, as we age, we gradually shed these identities, often struggling in this direction as much as we did coming in.

I have been learning so much in the past months about letting go. When I release my hold on what was once so important to me, I am free to embrace the present. My work for many years has been about facilitating this ability to be present in the present. As I settle into my new life in the UK, I recognize an opportunity to start anew once again. Along with deciding about furniture and where put my things, I am also looking at new ways to support you in being present and more fully embodying your life. I invite you to join me in this new venture.

Please take a moment to consider what is most important to you in your life. Make a list of what is most dear to you. As you consider these things, people, activities, places, or whatever it is that is meaningful to you, include in your awareness your body language. One of my favorite teachers in my Dance/Movement Therapy training, Susan Aposhyan, used to talk about listening to “all of our people.” Take time to listen to your bones, your skins, your muscles, your heart and other organs, as well as your intellectual brain. Each aspect of you has important information and perceptions to contribute.

As you consider the messages from your body, you begin tuning in to sensations. If you find it difficult to attend to a particular aspect of your body, try starting by observing your breath. Let yourself be aware of how fast or slow it is, how deep or shallow, how easy or effortful.

Let yourself be aware of the chair or other structure under you. Can you sense the weight of your body as you rest into the support of gravity? You may have a sense of your body, or part of it, pulling up from the surface under it. Just noticing. Nothing you need to do. Just sensing. Just being aware. Just being.

We begin this journey into being in present time by practicing being aware. You may find that, just from following the suggestions of the last two paragraphs, your breath has slowed down and deepened. Your body is starting to shift from sympathetic fight flight mode to a more relaxed parasympathetic rest and rejuvenation mode. This is a first step.

If you find yourself attracted to this kind of slowing down and developing awareness, I suggest you continue to practice being aware as often as you can. Remind yourself of your breath and the support of gravity under you whenever you think of it throughout your day. Take moments here and there to deepen into this awareness.

One of my intentions for this series of articles is to support you in being able to develop this skill of being. Please join me for this journey of awareness and exploration. I suspect you will find, as I have, that you discover within yourself new levels of pleasure and aliveness. I look forward to exploring with you.

I offer classes, workshops, seminars, professional trainings, as well as private therapy and mentoring, both in person and via phone and Skype. For more information, please refer to my website at www.cherionna.com or email me at cherionna@cherionna.com.

Read more articles on this kind of awareness practice in relation to healing, Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy, and Continuum Movement.

If you are drawn to become a Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapist while deepening your awareness and presencing skills, please consider my upcoming trainings, starting in November in Nelson, BC, Canada and Portland, OR.